Greetings, my Friends
Many of us are feeling grief as we leave 2020 behind, and enter 2021. First Blog of 2021, and instead of writing about New Year resolutions and intentions, I have been asked to write about the different stages, levels and types of grief for the varied losses many are experiencing, especially after the events of 2020, and all that may come in 2021. I wrote about losing my husband, and my sons in my book, Death Did Us Part, but there are other kinds of losses that we may be grieving.
As you read this and my upcoming writings in this blog series, please keep in mind the following:
There are always exceptions to every rule and every opinion.
No one can know how a griever is feeling, No one can feel the full weight of another’s pain, or understand where grief is taking them, or how they will get through their grief.
Even if a loss is similar, we speak in error if we say, “I know how you feel or I know what you are going through.” We do not; we can only know our own feelings and what we are actually going through.
Grief is as varied as those going through it. The 5 stages we hear so much about were written as guidelines for those who had or have loved ones who have entered hospice and does not fit all types of grief.
Constant research and studies are giving us a better understanding of the different types of loss. We now know that grief brings many levels of emotions, and we are now openly recognizing and talking about the “secondary losses” that come from the primary loss.
If you can picture tossing a pebble in a pond — where the pebble hits the water is the primary loss, then each ripple represents another loss connected to the primary loss. Grief carries with it many ripples of connected losses.
Over time, support for grievers has increased due to the recognition that grieving is complicated and those experiencing grief often need an unattached sounding board to help them come to terms and manage their feelings of loss.
Groups, mentors, counselors, clergy, life coaches, psychologists, and psychiatrists are very helpful to those working through their loss. A griever can talk about their loss, the pain they are experiencing and the loss they have gone through without judgement. Grievers can talk about the Who, What, When, Where and How of their loss as much and as many times as needed to get to their next life level and help them continue to go forward.
I will be writing a series of blogs about many of the variations and types of grief that has been recognized up to now, in hopes it will be of some help in understanding the grief experience. To show that there is no time limit. To tell you it’s okay to continue on after loss, that it is ok to allow help from an outside source to be given when needed.
5 (Original) Stages – by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, MD
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
7 Stages – by Debbra Bronstad, Grief Recovery Specialist
1. Shock or Disbelief
2. Denial
3. Anger
4. Bargaining
5. Guilt
6. Depression
7. Acceptance and Hope
10 Stages – by Dr. Brooke Dean
1. Shock
2. Facing Emotions
3. Depression
4. Physical Symptoms
5. Panic
6. Guilt
7. Anger
8. Resistance
9. Hope
10. Acceptance
Visit https://www.usurnsonline.com/grief-loss/types-of-grief for more.
• Normal (or Uncomplicated Grief)
• Complicated (or Abnormal Grief)
• Traumatic
• Chronic
• Anticipatory
• Disenfranchised
• Distorted
• Exaggerated
• Masked
• Inhibited
• Collective
• Cumulative
• Prolonged
• Abbreviated
• Delayed
• Absent
Please stay safe, healthy and grateful.
Hugs