Grief is hard and can be tough to maneuver on an everyday basis. Grief during the holidays is even tougher. The holidays will feel like a proverbial rollercoaster of emotions that can hit one at any given time and place.
It does not matter how long it has been since a loss of a loved one has occurred; Grief does not have a time limit on it.
If I could get any message about life and death through to the masses, it would be that Grief is forever!
Time does not heal or take away the pain of loss! Time allows for the management of all that goes with Grief and the missing of a loved one.
Grief is an individual experience, emotion, and reaction.
Every person grieves in their way, in their own time and within their Soul and Heart space.
A few things to consider:
Here are some tips to help your loved ones through grief during the holidays.
To show respect to the person or persons who are in the grieving process, discuss ahead of time how they want their deceased loved one remembered. Some may say they are not ready for outward or open display of loss, and some may wish to have an empty chair and a photo of their loved one at the holiday dinner table.
The person or persons grieving may want to do things very differently and begin new traditions, and that is ok. They are not forgetting their loved one or “moving on” from memories. Starting new traditions is often needed to get through family celebrations.
It is also good to have a designated area or room is available for the griever to go to if their emotions overcome them.
Don’t tiptoe around the griever’s loss. Ask the griever how they want others to remember their loved ones. Let your guests know that if the griever brings up their deceased loved one, that it is then ok to offer a memory of the loved one.
Our first holidays after my husband passed away, my family and I held to our traditions and made my husband’s favorite recipes. We talked throughout the day of how we missed him and pointed out the events that would make him laugh at us. We gave each other permission to shed tears if and when emotions welled up. In the second year, we began integrating new traditions while incorporating many of my husband’s favorite recipes and traditions that were also our favorites. Tears will still come forth, and we are ok with it.
Forgiveness is not always an easy thing to do! It took me several years to realize that it was ” I ” that I needed to forgive! Forgive myself for Allowing myself to be hurt! It is about who you are …. The choices you are making that Allows you to be hurt! It is about overriding your Value system, Your Belief system! It is about overriding your intuitive messages and collecting Red Flags! The ones who can or do cause you hurt are telling you who They are …. not who you are! Leave them to themselves….. Forgive Yourself …. For Allowing yourself to become so vulnerable that hurt could even penetrate your heart and soul….. Moving through Forgiveness will be much more pallatable … if you are focused on Forgiving yourself than Forgiving someone else for being who they are!!!!! You are worth the self care of Forgiveness…..
Wally Amos became famous for his cookies, however he also became known for his Watermelon analogy for life. He wrote his book Water Melon Magic : Seeds of Wisdom, Slices of Life in 2002. With summer coming we begin to see watermelon in all of our stores and at almost every picnic and barbecue, perhaps you might look at watermelon a bit differently now and remember Wally’s wisdom. Watermelon W – Whatever you believe creates your reality. Believe that life is a positive experience and it will be. A – Attitude is the magic word. Your greatest asset is your attitude. Be positive regardless. T – Together everyone achieves more. There are no limits to what we accomplish together. I am more than I am but less than we are. E – Enthusiasm is the wellspring of life. There is no limit to what can be accomplished with enough enthusiasm. R – Respect yourself as well as others. When you begin to respect yourself, your whole world changes. M – Make commitments not excuses. There is overwhelming power in the words “Yes I Will”. E – Every day can be a fun day. Fun is the lubricant that keeps life moving forward. Laugh a Lot. L – Love is the answer. What ever the question, Love is the answer. It is the greatest force in the universe. O – One day at a time. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. All of life happens in increments of one. N – Never give up or become a victim. You are guaranteed to lose if you give up. Winston Churchill was right…… “Never, Never, Never give up” It works if you work it.
Wally Amos – Be Positive – shared from the Costco Connection 2009
It is a book that, while written about military strategy, it has become a handbook for business, sports, all competitive venues and should be used in everyday interaction with people. Too many times we enter a conversation, meeting, negotiations, or, one on one debates without knowing who we are interacting with, what they stand for, what they believe and who they are in general or in business. Below I have listed just 10 of the advices for Leadership. I also encourage you to read this book if you have not all ready done so and if you have, to reread it to remind you have what it takes to be a Leader and remind yourself what it takes to own your own power.
A leader leads by example, not by force.
You have to believe in yourself.
Appear weak when you are strong and strong when you are weak.
The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.
Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.
If the mind is willing, the flesh could go on and on without many things.
Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.
To know your enemy you must become your enemy.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
Can you imagine what I would do if I did all I can?
This list is from a list of 31 Best pieces of Leadership Advice as written by Eric Jackson in Forbes.com
